Everything is different

I'm sitting here sweating, while a lady named Stella Sandoval "dances off the inches" on my tv. I've gained 7 lbs this year. I don't care that much, but I figured maybe I should try to exercise a little. So today I got this stupid salsa DVD from the library, and only finished part of it. Oh well. Better than nothing, right? Anyways Kevin exercises like 5 times a week so that's part of it. What if we had to run away from a robber, and he ran faster so the robber catches me first? No way dude.

So I'm here in Nashville now, in my little house. It's starting to come together, although I still feel sort of weird in it. Like I'm camping or something, like I don't really live here. However being in town is awesome. The leaves on the trees are beautiful and I get to see Kevin most days after work. There are really good restaurants and stores nearby. Work is close--but not so close I can hear the ambulances--and I hear trains only about twice a week. I've got some old friends here that I've seen a few times already. I've been to an art show, heard a string quartet, eaten Thai food and Indian food, and shopped at Trader Joe's.

My job is good. I just started. The clinic is a little chaotic, and only about half the patients speak English. So in the last week I've seen Somalians, Sudanese, Kurds, Ethiopians, and Togolese. And a handful of Mexicans. So we are on the language line calling up interpreters a lot, which I'm hoping will help me grow more patient. Ha. But the patients are great, and the midwives have been really kind so far, even though I've needed a lot of help figuring out the electronic charting.

The hospital is fine too, but it is so different from Hamilton. It is huge, and parking is a chore, and finding my way around is complicated. Like I know I'm going to get it soon, but I'll never be able to tell anybody how I got to labor and delivery from the Basement W section of the Central Garage on the J elevator. I've gone a different way every time.

So I guess...I know I'm going to love it, but I'm learning so much every day, I'm kind of on overload. It's not that fun to ask >27 questions a day in order to do your job. Oh well. I've got 3 months of orientation, so I'll get it.

Last night I sang karaoke on Kevin's playstation 3 and I'm pretty sure he was totally impressed. I sang "Hey Ya" and "Toxic" and "Crash". Guess which one was the most embarrassing? Definitely the Outkast, but that's cause I was trying to do the dance too.

Gentry Farm

Well, this weekend Kevin and I drove to a farm in Franklin to see all the pumpkins. On the way there we got Starbucks and I drank it in the car while he ran over to see the ESPN Game Day thing going on at Vandy. Of course I clarified that it was a big crowd of people, squished and standing around and yelling at nothing before I decided to wait in the car. Technically I suppose they were yelling at cameras. Whatever.

So we get to the farm, and my stomach's a little weird. Like blarg-full of starbucks. But I sucked it up and started checking out all the pumpkins and gourds for sale, and then we walked over to the part with bored looking goats in their pens, and then we got into the corn maze. It was real big and there was this little family with a stroller that kept trying to cheat and follow us. So I told Kevin we should start running whenever we heard those dumb stroller wheels rattling. We did. I guess it was around 1 o'clock then, and it was really hot outside. We were going to do some "Nature Trail" thing too but my iced chai was boiling away in my stomach and I told him we should probably just head over to the pumpkin patch. They had a huge area of pick-your-own pumpkins, so we walked out there and started looking. I started wondering what would happen if I threw up out there, and decided to sit down for awhile. I sat on a pumpkin in the middle of the patch and Kevin wandered off. After awhile I felt better, and grateful to the pumpkin I was sitting on, so I chopped it off and took it over to pay for it.

Kevin got three pumpkins: a short fat green one, a tiny yellow striped one, and a medium orange one. I didn't get a photo of those...I should have. They look good together.

Well guys I am excited. A week from tomorrow will be my last day working here, then it's onto tying up the last loose ends to move to Nashville.

There is one thing right now I would appreciate your prayers for, besides the move and all the changes there, and that is my little sister. She has started to get sick again and returned home from college with my mother today. I'm not sure what's going to happen there but she'll be away from the stress of school at least. She is precious, guys...and I know it must be so frustrating to return to school after 9 months away only to go home partway through the semester again.
So that's the update for now...most likely my next post will be from my new home.

All the news

I'm moving back to Nashville. Those pictures are of my new place! And me at the Parthenon.

I haven't posted in awhile, partly because it felt like all I could think about was getting this job, and I wanted to keep my mouth shut until I knew for sure. My first interview was the day before I left for California. My second was 9-11.

Anyways, I've wanted to get another job/move to a better city for some time now, but with last year's break-up and the following traumatic holiday season, I didn't have the energy to look that hard. I was mostly just surviving. And you know, looking for a job is rough. Interviewing sucks. I'm not good at it; my professionalism gets mixed up with awkward squirts of what I'm really thinking, and it makes a confusing picture. I feel like I'm still learning how to be genuine and professional at the same time.

So the job. It is going to be great, I think. It is with the Vanderbilt Nurse-Midwifery practice. They already have 17 midwives on staff in two separate offices. I'm hired into the side that takes all the Medicaid and cash patients, which is what I'm used to. I am going to be the only midwife who speaks Spanish there, so they said they plan on loading up my schedule with all the Spanish-only patients. Which is great. I really want to keep up the Spanish I've learned here; it gets less awkward every day, and the patients seem to really appreciate it, even when my tenses are all screwed up. I'm also going to lead a Centering Pregnancy group in Spanish eventually. I don't actually know how to do that, in any language, right now- but they are going to send me to training at the end of this month. So I'm already going to be adding more skills.

And, I'm going to precept midwifery students, so I will be faculty at the School of Nursing! I'm excited about that.
The last great thing is, my schedule will be way better. I won't be on call as much, and when I am, I will be on call with another CNM at the same time. Yay! I'm going to get a life!

I am really looking forward to working with other midwives, and learning from them. I want to get a practice style of my own instead of just doing everything my boss wants me to do.

So I gave my boss notice last week, and it was terrifying, but he didn't say anything. Just "thanks for all your help around here." It's been pretty awkward at work ever since, particularly with the coworker who will be inheriting most of my office work. She's been pretty weird around me. I know they wanted more like 6 month's notice but honestly I don't know how I could ever have made that happen. So they got a month. It'll be okay.

Last weekend I drove up to Nashville and Kevin and I drove around looking for "For Rent" signs in neighborhoods that were cute. Or at least only minimally frightening. We found a house for me only a couple of minutes from the hospital, with hardwood floors and lots of sunny windows and a yard and a deck in the back. I think it'll be perfect, even though it has a stupid looking awning in the front. Maybe I'll plant stuff in my yard. Three weeks from today, I'll be moving there.

Today my roommate officially moved out, which was weird and sad. The apartment is real echo-y and I'm sitting on a cushion on the floor typing this, with boxes around me.

I'm hoping to get another roommate in Nashville; I don't really like living alone, and there are two bedrooms and bathrooms in my new place. I think I'll be able to find someone.

When I told Kevin the news, he was so excited. Our houses are going to be 3.6 miles apart, instead of 150. We might go for walks after dinner now on random nights, like Tuesdays, and it'll just be no big deal. :)

Okay some other news now:
Dawn had her baby on Friday, Brianna! She weighed 5# 1oz, was a few weeks early (as expected) and that's all I know so far. I know she's excited to be done, after being on bedrest forever.

Nicky had baby Sebastian on Wednesday of this week too. He was 8# 13oz and officially huge. I went to see her, and hung out with James and Steve and Callie at the hospital. He's a cutie. I forgot my camera. Nicky was tired and kept saying she was sorry for not being entertaining. Hard to tell who he looks like, sorta like the other ones. But he seemed like a good baby. James was running around getting into everything and playing with the incentive spirometer. He ended up blowing spit all over Callie with it at one point, so I'd say I was pretty well entertained.

Welp, tonight I'm meeting up with Larissa at the new Panera in town so i guess I'm done here. Not so long next time, guys. More pictures are up on Facebook. Also that's where my California vacation pictures are.

Soon I'll be there

So on Monday I delivered a tiny baby boy to a Mom who was still 7 weeks away from her due date. He weighed 4 lbs. I tried to be gentle with him while he was coming out, it sort of scared me to be in charge of him for even that long. I think he's doing okay. This has been a week of little ones. We did another four pounder yesterday, and a 6 pounder on Wednesday. I don't know what it is. Up to 249 babies now.

This morning I had a performance review at work. They told me all these good things they like about me, and all I could think was, "and? and?" because I knew we were building up to a "but." Anyways the "but" ended up being inconsequential so I relaxed. I have so many strong feelings about my job that I just tried to keep my face neutral. I didn't want to get worked up, or give things away; I feel like it's pretty easy to tell what I'm thinking most of the time. I think I did a good job because by the end my boss was saying, "these are good things, Marie, things we appreciate about you, you know?" or maybe that just meant, "respond somehow, you impassive idiot!" because I wasn't saying much either. Then I got a raise. A small one. Which I wasn't expecting, so that was nice.

So this weekend I was in the car with Kevin and his friends, and for awhile they were talking about stuff I didn't know about, so I got the Ipod and started picking the songs. I am happy to report that I only played songs I wanted to hear, not ones I thought would make me look cool in front of him and his friends. Ha. Do you believe me? I'm about 80% sure I'm not lying, that I was that unself-conscious for those 20 minutes. But this guy didn't really have much embarrassing music, no Mariah Carey "Dreamlover" or anything. Oh man. That's a cool song. Not that I really miss being 12. Staying up late ordering ten whole dollars' worth of make-up from a catalog with Jennie.

Next week is a big week for me. I'm going to California to see Jackie and Chris and Deana and Zach for the whole week! We are going to have a brilliant time, one last brilliant time before those Bechtels leave for Scotland. It's starting to feel more real now that I've done 5 loads of laundry to get ready to pack. FIVE LOADS!! I can never have kids. I hate doing my own laundry too much. Maybe I'll just have kids and a maid. Great idea.

Hey can your sheets get stretched out? Because my bottom fitted sheet is all flappy now, like an old pair of underwear. It's so weird and dumb.

I will definitely be posting pictures of my breathtaking vacation, promise. I'm sure all this just-writing is getting old.

Cock-a-doodle-doo

Well...here is the truth: my laptop is making all these weird noises like it's doing sit-ups or something. So who knows if this'll work.

I went to yoga today. It was great, I've really enjoyed the class so far. Good mixture of difficult and relaxing. There's like ten other people in the class, and it's in a small room. When you put your arms out to the sides, you have to try not to touch people's hands because that's weird. Other than that it's good. Sometimes the men in the class bring the instructor roses from their gardens, which is weird to me. I never bring her anything. She is Lyn with one N.

I had a good 4th of July with Kevin, and then last weekend we went to Huntsville and I got to see Katie Park!! I know, so jealous, everyone calm down. She'd had a baby shower there--he's going to be called Tyler Park----and we went out to dinner with her parents and then back to their place for ice cream. I was excited for her to meet Kevin too. We only took like two pictures because I am a big fat slacker with my camera these days. It's heavy and I get embarrassed to be like "everybody get together!" That morning Kevin and I went shopping for Linda's birthday and I got myself a headband from J.Crew. It's chartreuse. Do you know what color that is? Green. So weird.

Linda's birthday is tomorrow, and she will be 21. And yes I got her some presents too. Really the big news is, my little sister is now one of those girls walking around, waving her hand around with a diamond on her finger. She is going to get married to Jon Wilkinson! Pretty crazy, huh? I was only medium-surprised when she told me, but still it seems unreal. My sister is going to be someone's wife. So maybe they'll get married next summer I think.

I got my hair trimmed up. It was getting draggy on my neck. Short hair's kind of a pain that way, I guess. But on the plus side, sometimes I wake up looking like a rooster now.

I just finished a Fannie Flagg book that I got at the Nashville McKay's. I'm going to send it to you, Em, soon as you get an address again. Kevin thinks you should say it "McKay" because that's how it says on the sign but I can't do it.

Oh! I forgot! I got a big trip coming up in 4 weeks. I am going to California to have a family reunion with the Cheneys and the Bechtels. I'm going to be there the WHOLE week. Zach said I can borrow a wetsuit, and that we are going to go the beach every day.

I found a recipe for the perfect cupcakes, yellow with chocolate frosting, in Cook's Illustrated. I wish Nicky would come home so I could go make them at her house. I miss her.

Gum Rapper

If you need one of these, you can buy one here for $8: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=11781699
I don't have one, but if I did, I would get it out of my pocket and show it to people sometimes.

Caught #236 and 237 yesterday, boy and a girl. Not twins or anything though. Haven't ever done twins, yet.

So it's Saturday, and I'm home alone. I had a really busy week so I've taken it pretty easy today, and yes, I feel kind of bad about it but well, see the beginning of the sentence. Sometimes it's okay to bum around. I've been to the hospital twice to check on patients, to the grocery and Starbucks and Rite-Aid and then back home, and now it's raining outside. I drank a caramel macchiato, to branch out from my iced chai. It was good, I think. Didn't make me as wide-eyed as I'd hoped. I bought a notebook at Rite-Aid. Then I drew a picture of a suspicious girl, an alien, and a baby loch ness monster in the notebook. I thought about making them into a story. What will probably happen is that I'll get embarrassed, put the notebook away, find it later and be so confused.

I think Darcee and Joe are married now. I was thinking about them today, thinking that the first morning you wake up married must be pretty exciting. I was also thinking how great it would be to be in Washington with all those people right now. Okay so now it's actually thundering and lightning too. Light a candle. Whenever I live somewhere more permanent, I want to have wall sconces up. I've always liked those, but have a hard time caring much about putting up decorations in all these apartments I'm in and out of right now.

We got some rocking chairs on our back deck, courtesy of our neighbor who moved out and left tons of crap on her porch behind. It makes it a lot nicer out there, I think. Even though it's way too hot to hang out outside during the day now. The seats are all wet with rain.

Hey I watched this Antarctica video today on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz2SeEzxMuE
I don't really know how to put a video on here for real.

Then of course I had to get on Wikipedia for awhile and see what McMurdo Station was. It's this place in Antarctica where all these scientists work, but there aren't permanent residents. There are up to 1000 people there during the summer and only like 200 in the winter. Everyone just hangs out and studies global warming and stuff. And they have a bowling alley there, and a 9 hole frisbee golf course. I wonder what it does to people to be inside all day, most days, March through October. I wonder what they eat?? It's not like they can grow stuff out there...it's probably all canned and dried and frozen food. The lady in the video seems pretty happy though. I bet if they had a tanning bed there, those researchers would use it. I would.

On Thursday I had a half day and I went to see K because I hadn't seen him in TWO WEEKS. He got out of work early too and we went out for Vietnamese food. He ordered the weirdest thing on the menu, some shrimp and meatball paste wrapped around a piece of sugar cane and fried up, and offered me a bite when it came. I said no, very politely, I think. He sorta had to chew it off the sugar cane sideways. I got a noodle bowl and some spring rolls and bubble tea. The best thing was the bubble tea, it was like a coconut smoothie with big shiny black tapioca balls at the bottom....I shared it with him because it was so awesome. They probably don't have those at McMurdo.

Next week is 4th of July and I'm actually off call!! Yay! Thursday night I will be singing and driving in my car again. Okay I gotta go clean up my dinner stuff before Elaine gets home.

5 June 2008

Getting out of bed and going to work every morning still doesn't feel natural to me. I've been doing it for 2 years, which is less than most of my friends. A lot of my days feel like something that got thrown together at the last minute, by someone who is distracted and doesn't quite know how to do what is expected, but somehow I get away with it. I would like to be less distracted, and more steady. I would like someone to copy when I don't know what to do....I wonder if I'm supposed to be too old for that by now though.

I sleep well. I work a lot. I drink tea when I feel sleepy in the afternoon. I pray before I go to sleep, and I read my Bible before I go to work. If I'm cranky before work I pray then too, which helps sometimes. Other times, I'm still kind of asleep and it's hard for me to look people in the eye yet. I clean my apartment when it starts to gross me out, or if I'm having company. I wash my sheets and towels every other week. I talk to Kevin on the phone at night. I grocery shop. I go on road trips on the weekends with Kevin. I read library books. Getting hungry seems to take me by surprise every time, which means that I eat out a lot. I sort of feel bad about that. I would rather be a girl who plans ahead and eats healthier, but I never know what I'll like to eat when I'm at the grocery store, and I get in a hurry to be done when I'm there. Also I hate eating the same thing every day. I need to go on some reality show and get my grocery shopping habits made over. I would try to be animated to keep the viewers at home interested. :)

Today I caught #228. I should be going back pretty soon for 229. I'll be at the hospital in less than an hour probably.

Susan moved away. Not forever, just until October, but I'll miss her. We'd been getting together every 1-2 weeks. So I guess I'll hang out with other people this summer.

I think I like my hair. It's easier to do now. There are just less options with it. No ponytails. Not like those are so brilliant anyways.

I signed up for a yoga class. Every time I'd think about how I wanted my life to be once it REALLY got started, I wanted to be taking a yoga class, but I thought Dalton was too small to have that. So Monday on the way home from the grocery store I stopped off at the gym near my apartment and asked if they had yoga classes. And actually, they do. So I wrote a check and now I'm signed up for classes, twice a week starting next week.

Easier than I expected.
That's all for now.

Um.

So yeah. Quite a bit shorter than I'd planned.

The long weekend

So last night was the first in awhile that I was up at 3 in the morning delivering a baby. I'd slept at the hospital, knowing it was coming, and when the nurse told me my patient was ready I stumbled out of the call room and down the flourescent bright hallway to do my job. I was spazzy; jerky and nauseous and quieter than I wanted to be to encourage her in her pushing. I had Friday's make-up on still, and sleepy crap built up in the corners of my eyes, and I forgot to get it out before I gowned and gloved for the delivery. Oh well. The baby came down well and I was driving through the empty streets towards home by 4:45. There was a neon "open" sign at the Cohutta Bonds place. I got the crap out of my eyes before I settled into my own bed.

Today I went to the Mexican grocery store to get some fresh produce and Japanese peanuts, which are kind of interesting tasting, and I made myself a huge salad for dinner. And I took a vitamin. And I drank some milk. And ate some defrosted shrimp, and tried to read a newspaper in Spanish that I'd picked up on my way out of the store. I sort of wished someone was around so I could be like, "hey what does that word mean?" but I don't know who. Probably Rachel.

I've been reading this book by a travel writer who goes around looking for the happiest places on the earth. It's made me wonder what my problem is with this town. It's a fine place to live. I was wondering maybe if it's because I haven't wanted to identify myself with any group here. I joined the gym, but then I quit. I go to my church when I'm in town, which is every other weekend, but I have a lot of mixed feelings about being there, and have gone back and forth in my mind about joining. I don't really have a neighborhood. I like most of my coworkers, but I don't hang out with any of them. I have a roommate, but we've both got a lot going on in our personal lives that gets in the way of us doing stuff together. I've got sort of a complicated relationship with my work; there are parts of it that I really like, and times when I feel like I am growing, but also parts where I am consistently disappointing myself, and times when I feel trapped. So I feel like a floater, and I'm not sure if I want to integrate myself better.

Some things I like about being here:
Going to the library every 3 weeks for more books.
Meeting up with Susan and Justin, or Roseanne, or Kristen.
Being close to the Lewins.
I feel like I know how to do things here. I know where stuff is, I know how things work, I know how to do my job. My body wakes up automatically in time to get to work, and I have a morning routine.
I get to see Kevin on a lot of weekends. He is great. I like the jokes he makes, the way he is considerate of me, and the way he talks.

This week Nicky had a birthday party at the Meeting Place. I drove up to Chattanooga early and picked up a necklace for her from Blue Skies, and sat outside at Stone Cup reading that book until it was time to meet everyone. It was really great, a really beautiful afternoon to be out there. There was some nerdy guy making electronic sounding music, a bored little girl with her Dad, and a group of teenagers commiserating about their awkward parents awkward responses to their marijuana use. I couldn't tell if the nerdy guy wanted people to notice him or not, because the music was pretty quiet most of the time. I guess he did.

I caught a 10lb, 2oz baby last week. So that wins the prize for my biggest, definitely. Up to 225 deliveries now.
Okay I'm done.

Hunan shrimp

So here's some pictures of Kevin and I. The top one is from this weekend, when we went to see his fam for his birthday in Mississippi. Did you ever know this? Mississippi is REALLY FAR to drive to. But we had fun, I met his parents and we ate a lot of food that his Mom cooked. I tried to look grown-up and help clean up after we ate and talk normal. Ha. It bothers me that I am so white but I think I'm avoiding the tanning bed this year. Last year, that got a little out of hand. I went like 50 times....not the most genius thing I've ever done.
We went to SnoBiz and to a petrified forest and we got a geode that we busted open with a hammer on the patio. It was white on the inside.

The second photo is from a picnic we had in Sewanee a few weeks ago, when we met up on a Thursday afternoon. We made sandwiches and ate pickle-flavored chips and hiked around and stuck our feet in the water.

In other news, work is going okay. This week has been decent. I'm on call this weekend. I delivered a 9 pound, 13 oz baby boy on Tuesday, which may be my biggest yet, #218. I'm eating a lot of Chinese food these days. I found a place with spicy Hunan shrimp and veggies that I like. Maybe I'll eat that today. Hm. Last night I went out with some girls and later I tried a strawberry jello shot. I think it had vodka in it. It was about 60% good and 40% weird.
This morning I didn't have to be at work until 9 am, so I woke up at the normal time and just laid there thinking about stuff. I tried to come up with a theme for the last 6 months.

I saw my sister last week. She is still going through stuff. I'm thinking about her a lot, but we aren't talking very much. Things are pretty crazy at my house right now, I think.

I'm going to go see Emily's baby soon. Like maybe next month, when I have my vacation. I'm planning on being crazy about baby Claire.

New pictures from Easter

I just ate a big cheeseburger, and it was so good. I ate the whole thing, sitting at a diner with my friend Kristen, who I haven't seen in like a month. It was fun.

I'm up to 210 deliveries now. Things at work went well today. I had some difficult patients, but I didn't get stressed out. I think it helped that I knew how it was going to be going into it, (like, oh--that girl is coming in. She's going to complain about 20 things and take me an hour) and I was thinking about what I was going to do with people before. So maybe it's not a great idea to go home and think about your patients the night before, but it seemed to help me today. I felt proud of myself.

Last week Dawn was here, she flew in from California for 6 days. She went through my clothes and made me throw a bunch of old stuff away. We'd watched "What Not To Wear" and she got inspired. She said my black shirt wasn't black anymore. So now I don't really have any clothes to wear...just kidding. I still have my scrubs. And church stuff.

Dawn and I laughed a lot and talked a lot, and Saturday we went to see that guy I've been dating. I've seen him like 8 times now. Well....he's pretty great I think. I like talking to him. When we were with Dawn she made us do gymnastics in the living room, and he was better than I was. I hate losing. I wish I could see him more often. I don't really have any pictures of us, because all the ones we've taken have been ugly so far. But actually he is very cute. When I first saw him I thought he looked like Bertie Wooster. Now he just looks like himself to me. He talks fancier than I do, and he has a little bit of an accent from Mississippi. He draws me pictures sometimes. He can raise one eyebrow all by itself.

You know what is really great? That summer is finally coming. It's 7:30 and still light outside here. Today for lunch I had a picnic with Roseanne and her kids at the park and it was beautiful out. It makes a big difference to me. I feel a lot better about having to be awake and go to work in the morning when I don't have to put my coat on first. Even though I like my coat, it is Mountain Hardwear and one time when I was wearing it this lady asked me if I was an athlete. What do you think? Of course I said no. It looks like this only green.

Now I am going to put like 500 pictures up, because it's been a long time and I feel guilty for not blogging.

Here is that great boy, James Lewin.

Here is my sister, who is better now. Take note of Christie's awkward hand.


Here's me and Christie...


Here's a face that Linda was unable to replicate for us later...
Okay I gotta go. Not so long next time.

how it was today and saturday

Today I was really busy at work. Every patient showed up, and people ended up being more complicated than I expected. I felt like I was just going from room to room all morning, because I always had people waiting for me. And one time I forgot I had someone waiting for me and I went in my office to check my voice mail and then the medical assistant was like, "hey you have 3 patients to see out here." So I scrambled out. But I had just finished getting like 7 voice mails of people I had to call back and do stuff for, and I felt all stressed out. Blah.

So then I went to Subway for lunch and the afternoon was somewhat better, I was just in a cranky mood. All my patients are sick right now. Seriously, like 65% of them had colds today. And I feel like we've been in cold season for a long time. I guess I'm just ready for warm weather.

Elaine and I ate Chinese together tonight. I got something spicy with shrimp in it and then I drank both of our waters like twice. Then we went grocery shopping, which I'd been dreading but geez it was really time, we had NO food. We finished it all in 20 minutes! I was proud.

So this weekend I went on a date. With this guy I met a few weeks ago. It was fun...he had all these things planned out for us to do, and I felt like I was laughing a lot. The worst thing I did was when we were at lunch. He was pushing back the lid of the trash can back for me to empty my tray off, you know? But he was also saying something to me, and I was looking at him and thinking about what he was saying, and then all of the sudden he goes, "Marie where's your tray?" and I was like, "um. I don't know?" and he started laughing and he said, "Did you just throw the whole thing away? and I felt really confused and I couldn't remember. So I'm pretty sure he thought I was awesome, then.

Linda's getting better. I talked to her last night and it was so great, I've missed her so much during all this stuff. Thanks for praying for her, and for me. Oh and hey yeah isn't Christie just so cute? Don't worry, she knows I think. :)

Tomorrow I only have to work a half day, and then Wednesday I go on call for forever. So I gotta do something! Besides just getting another tire fixed and my laundry.

Pictures from last weekend

So these are some pictures from the weekend, when I went home. I accidentally deleted the best one, which was a candid shot of me poking Christie in the back with a hanger. We were both laughing, and it wasn't terribly attractive, but it made you feel good when you looked at it. Oh well. We'll just all try to move on.

So, I've been cleaning the house tonight, eating macaroni and cheese, and drinking merlot. Weird night. I talked to Zach and Peter G, cleaned toilets, and did laundry. Yeah. Okay....more later.

April 22

So I got better for awhile but not all the way I guess and today I am actually HOME FROM WORK sick in my sweatpants. Wednesdays are our busiest days so you know I must be really trashed to not show up. Yesterday I got all chills and feverish and went to bed at like 6pm. So I've been reading the blogs I haven't read in awhile, and sleeping more, and now this. And did you know the Atlantic Monthly is now free online? So I've been catching up on Caitlin Flanagan too.

Elaine's going to bring me soup.

I wish my day was like this instead:
6:30am-wake up, pray, eat breakfast sitting down, drink tea.
8am-go to work
12pm-leave work and meet friends for lunch
1pm-go back to work
4:30-get off and go to yoga
5:30-go to grocery store and get dinner stuff
6:30 eat and go see those Lewins, even though they're probably at prayer meeting or something.
Read books and talk to Elaine and watch Gilmore Girls until bedtime.

This morning I went out to my car to find more Sudafed, and the sun was rising and it looked like there would actually be a break in the clouds today. The sky has been so heavy and dark and close to the ground lately. But I guess that's how January always is.

Yesterday I was at the Chinese place waiting for my takeout and there were all these kids my age who looked like they worked together eating lunch. They were talking in that almost show-offy kind of flirtatious way, at least the girls were, and the guys were just kind of sitting there trying to keep up. So maybe they weren't coworkers, because that would be a weird way to talk. Anyways they opened their fortune cookies, and one girl got "you will receive a small, valuable package" which of course became a big joke at the table, and then another girl got "your life will be completely changed 3 months from this day." And they all tried to figure out what was going to happen to her on April 22. Mine said something about getting rich.

Home in the snow.

Oh man it's been so long since I posted, everyone probably thinks I got run over. I had a hard holiday season, and I didn't know what to say about it. So I didn't say anything. Things are getting better now, I think.

So I have a cold. I've had it for 5 days, I'm chugging water, I'm completely feeling like I deserve to be well by now. I went to work like normal and even caught a baby with a cold, isn't that gross? Well somebody had to. I'm hoping to wake up tomorrow feeling normal. I've been taking Sudafed, which makes me jumpy and airhead-ish and chattier than usual. Lucky for Elaine she's been out of town this week. Ha.

I went to Steph's wedding in Kansas, and saw all kinds of good people.


That's Jackie's picture. I didn't actually TAKE any, because my dumb batteries were dead. Then the week after the wedding, April came to visit, and we had a little get together with Mark and Donivan and all those Chattanooga boys. It was fun.

This week I haven't done anything but be sick and pass out on the couch after work. Today it started snowing while I was making my dinner. The wind was blowing it all sideways really hard. I was glad I was inside. Sometimes some of the midwives say that changes in barometric pressure make people go into labor. I'm on call tonight so I guess we'll see.
I'll write something better next time. Passing out on the couch and being sick doesn't give you much to say.

Now I mean you!

Well hi. It's Friday night, the tree's all lit up and my favorite Christmas cd is on, that Charlie Brown one. I'm off-call. I got all non-fiction books from the library this time, they're all spread out on the couch. I ate a weird quesadilla for dinner, but at least I'm not hungry now, right?

Today was good, I only worked until 2 because it was my half day. Things were really busy in the office this morning though. Whenever I have to think about more than 3 patients at once I get all unraveled and start screwing up. It was okay, except one lady kept asking me if I was tired, and I wasn't really, I was just having a hard time keeping up with stuff. I wonder if I'll get better at that or if that's just how I am.

All this week I got to sleep all night, it was awesome, I was so excited. We had some deliveries but they were all daytime. Yesterday we did two sections and an induction. I got a pedicure because I scratched my ankle with a pen and then I had a chalky white line on it that just stayed there. That's gross, you know? That's how you know your feet are struggling. I talked with this twice-divorced older lady sitting beside me in the pedicure chair, who asked me why I didn't just become a doctor instead. I said I wanted to have a family someday, not that that really explains it, but what does she care? Anyways she looked at me and said that was a good reason and don't worry, she didn't meet the right guy till she was 28! Then I was confused by the whole conversation so I smiled at her and went to go stick my toes under the light thing.

I love going to that place though. Even though they always offer to wax me, first thing, as soon as I walk in the door. :)

My coworker Nancy is sick, and so is my roommate. I'm hoping I won't be. I've gotten sick a lot this year.

What else has happened? Some family stuff. It'd be weird if I said it here. You can pray for us though.

I went on a cruise with my fam for Thanksgiving. We went to Honduras, Belize, Mexico, and Bahamas. I did the soulja boy dance with my sister. I promise to never do it again. :) We went to an iguana farm, and snorkeling, and laid around in hammocks on a beach. I played beach volleyball with some strangers, and my family watched me. Later I was sunburnt and they said I was way more serious than everyone else who was playing and I got embarrassed. I bought a bracelet in Belize, it has wooden beads and is stretchy and fits my wrist well. It looks like something Rachel Watanabe would have. It was $2. I read an Annie Dillard book about people settling Washington state. It was one of those books where people keep dying for stupid reasons, like getting run over by a wagon wheel. I drank tea with my breakfast every day. I went to watch all the dancing and singing shows at night. I drank margaritas with Bobbie Wilborn, then we tried to do the electric slide and her Mom took pictures. They were on Facebook by the time I got home. But my sibs are in the pictures too, and they look funnier than I do.

I'm about to go on call, the week after next, for a long time, so I won't be going home for Christmas. I'm bummed but our Christmas tree looks really good. Elaine and I got it last week. One of my patients was working at Home Depot outside and she sold it to us. I think I like it when that happens, and it happens a lot now...seeing my patients around town, people walking up to show me their chubby babies. I feel like I really live here. That's a little scary too though.

My day so far.

My roommate's teenage sister spent the night last night. Elaine and I were watching Gilmore Girls from her bed. Katherine was pacing beside me and all around the edges of the bed, but I was sleepy, and somehow I ignored her until the credits rolled. Then she threw back my covers expectantly, standing there, and I realized that I had been lying in her spot the whole time. So I said sorry and fell into my own bed with my unwashed face.

This morning the nurse called me at 5:30 and told me that I had a patient in labor, the kind that you get when you are on call for the hospital, the kind that is a stranger to you so you don't know if she's normal and healthy or not. Anyways. I laid there for a minute in the dark and felt grateful it wasn't 4:30, because for some reason 4 in the morning feels so much worse than 5, and then I got up and put my coat on and went to take care of this lady. She did beautifully. She managed her pain well, asked for what she wanted, kept her husband calm, pushed her 9 lb baby out without my coaching, even thanked me afterwards. The baby cried really loudly, like it was mad and strong and expected a lot more from us than your average baby does.

When I came out into the hospital parking lot it was light already and my tire was flattish again. It was kind of flat on Wednesday, so I put air in it, but whatev, I guessed there was a hole. It was too early still to go anywhere so I just went home and made some biscuits and hot chocolate and hung around with Katherine. Then I tried to go get it fixed but there was a parade. Luckily....I got around it and found the tire place I wanted and the guy made a 2-hour face at me, but really it was done in 20 minutes. What? That never happens! I was excited. It must be weird to work at a place where everyone's so excited when they get to leave. I guess I work at a place like that too though.

I don't know what I'm going to do today yet. The parade's over. I'm still on call. I might make some soup and do laundry.

If I live to be 102

It's been raining all day, and I've finally come inside and taken off my wet socks for good, I hope. I'm not the kind of person who remembers an umbrella, I guess, and I've been running to and from my car all day. Getting rained on makes you look bad, like you don't have your act together, I think.

I had Implanon training right after work today, so I drove over to the hotel in my scrubs. I figured, everyone else has had a long day too, right? I'm sure I'm not the only one who had to park and walk in the rain. So I walk into the Marriot's conference room wiping the rain off my arms and, uh, face, and said hello to all the drug reps and other doctors and NPs. I sat down, and realized there was a mirror directly across from me, and....you know those times when you're kind of in denial about how bad your hair looks, because that morning it looked pretty good, but then it's like ten hours later, and you haven't really checked yourself out since you left the house, and you think it's probably still at least decent, but actually...you're wrong? Yeah. And no one else was wet, either.

So I was kind of a mess, but then the PA sitting beside me was talking about her latest dog show, and I got distracted listening to her. She has 9 dogs, and she shows them, and she was saying that she's gotten into all this weird music because you have to have instrumental music on in the background when you show a dog, and it has to fit the dog. Right now she's showing a toy poodle. So you can just imagine what kind of music goes with that.

Anyway, this weekend I went back up to St. Louis, to see Bechtels and Steph and April. I thought it wouldn't feel that weird to go up there, because I used to go up there before PR and see them all, but it did. It was hard, and I didn't really get it, because I loved being with them. I don't know. I guess it's been good to be far away, and wrap myself up in work and life in Dalton. I've been trying to be careful with how I think about the relationship, so most of the time it feels like it requires too much effort to wonder about it carefully, and I end up telling myself that God's always been in charge anyway and shifting attention back to whatever else I was doing. It's okay. It's unromantic. It's kind of crappy.

But my life isn't kind of crappy, it's actually okay. I'm interested in what's going on. I went on a hike with Kristen last week, I went to St. Louis, I'm going to hang out with my godbrothers soon, I'm going on a cruise in 4 weeks, and...here's some pictures. From my interesting life.

Saturday in October

It is getting to be the time of year when I watch the sunrise on the way to work in the mornings. I forgot about that part. But I don't have to go to work today.

I'm eating breakfast. It's my favorite kind of cereal. Linda brought it to me on Monday night after work, along with flowers, chocolates, Halloween pencils, and ice cream. She and Manny made me dinner and folded my laundry and stayed until I started to wander up the stairs towards my bed.

Every day this week, I've had friends calling and coming over and inviting me out and talking to me on the phone. I feel like....my friends really love me a lot. And I feel grateful that God is making his love for me so easy to pick up on right now.

Six days ago, PR and I decided to break up. And afterwards I went to work, and I caught babies, and I read my library books, and I went to church, and I went out to lunch with my coworkers, and now I have a big pile of scrubs that need to be washed like at the end of any other week. Everything is the same. And it's not how I expected it to be, not that I was really anticipating this. But all the pictures of us don't bother me that much; while the sight of that book that we were reading together, that kills me.

And I have all those questions, those millions of questions I've gotten after every other break-up, those ones that you don't ask him because the answer wouldn't be satisfying, the kind that fade in importance once you really let the thing go in your head.
So I am sad. And I have laundry to do, and a shower to take, and cereal to eat, and later, Lewin boys to babysit. It'll probably be okay.

My stupid blog that I never write in

I'm 26 now. It feels really different and old! Just kidding. Kind of. I'm sure 30 will be worse. My birthday was fun, it was pretty much exactly what I wanted. PR came down and one night we went swing dancing with friends at the park, and then the next day I had a party that was attended by all my local Pribyls. I got good presents too...but I'm not going to list them because what if I forget one, that would be so lame of me. I REALLY like my new Fossil purse that Elaine and Kristen got me though.


This is me and Elaine. I know, I'm looking rough. But she looks good.

This is me and Kristen.

The three of us (Elaine & Kristen & me) went to a baby shower today, that's where these pictures are from. There are lots of pregnant girls at my church right now. It was good...and we didn't even have to play any crazy shower games. It's a good idea to go to stuff like that if you want to have friends at church.

I passed out at work on Thursday. In the operating room, in the middle of a c-section. When I opened my eyes, the nurse was putting a wet washcloth on my forehead and all I could think was how great it felt to be on the floor. It was clean and hard and cold. The more blood returned to my brain, the more embarrassed I became that I was LYING ON THE FLOOR IN THE OR, so I got up as soon as I thought I could walk. Not that everyone was staring at me, because the surgery was still going on, but I prefer to be upright when I'm at work. Yep. So I don't know what happened...I had eaten and slept and am entirely certain that I'm not pregnant, so who knows. I wish I knew how to keep it from happening again...it's not the first time I've had to interrupt a case to sit down and come back into my head. More like the 8th. When I came out of the OR looking all green and white the nurses said, "oh no Marie, did it happen again?" But it is the first time I've actually fainted all the way at work. I just get really...hot.

Today is the most beautiful day we've had in a long time. It's been in the 70s all day, and when the wind blows it actually feels a little cold and fall-ish. The sun is out, and there's an arts festival going on down the street from our apartment. I went to a cute little grocery store to get some vegetables for dinner and it was all full of grandparents and grandkids and people smiling.

I've had issues with grocery shopping lately, so this was kind of a big deal to me. I go to Wal-Mart usually, and I get frustrated by the crowds. Every aisle is clogged with people, with their mouths open, staring at things and shuffling along in their flip flops as slowly as possible. It kind of seems like they wanted to come to Wal-Mart just to hang out and look at stuff. I come tearing around the corners with my shopping cart and the viejitas in my way make these awful faces at me and refuse to make eye contact, so they can't see my "whoops sorry" face. So I've tried going at different times of the day, to avoid these people, but I am sometimes praying for patience too.

The reason it's been so lovely today is because we had a huge storm yesterday. It rained so much that the roof leaked a big wet circle onto my bed that went all the way down to the mattress! So I slept on the wrong side of the bed last night, to let it dry. That's probably how you know you have a big bed, if you have a side you sleep on. Anyways the roofer guys came today to fix it.

This time next week I hope to be in St. Louis. Steph is going to try on her wedding dress for me, which is probably going to make me die. And I'm going on a statue tour with April. I wish those Cheneys weren't gone.

Okay and I'm up to 153 babies. I've been working with nursing students lately, which feels really weird. I was just a student this time two years ago. So maybe I'll get better at teaching. Right now I'm not so hot, I don't really know what to do with them.

I read a good book. It was called The Maytrees, by Annie Dillard. It was sad but it made me lose track of where I was, which I like doing. Fainting's good for that sort of thrill too. :) Okay I'm getting stupid, sorry.