Cruise pictures

Um, okay, so I haven't blogged in like a month. Don't think that it's because anything's going on, friends, because it isn't. :)

I have been sort of busier lately, which is really good, I like that. Last weekend I had a coding conference in Atlanta, and the weekend before I went to Lessons and Carols in Sewanee with my grandfather. This is really the first weekend evening in awhile that I've had without plans or people to hang out with, and it's okay this time. I've been sort of tired all day for no reason, and I'm in the mood to take a bath, burn some candles, write in my journal, and go to bed early.

I'm feeling like I need a change. Like I want to move apartments, or move cities, or just have a different schedule for awhile. Last week Jason helped me rearrange my living room, which was good, but I think I want more change than that.

Have I not said anything at all about the cruise yet? It was fun. Christie and I stayed together, and I actually brought enough clothes this time, and I kind of had a cold the whole time but it was still lovely not to be working for an entire week. And not to have to plan meals for myself. Here's some pictures. They kind of went in weird, so I couldn't caption them all. You guys know who everyone is, though.

Christie's so pretty!

Tico and I

Tico's genius face.

you must not know about me

I got my hair cut again. The girl cut a lot off. Because I told her too. But relax, there was a lot there. And I got bangs, the annoying kind. Right now it looks so good, but it might be another mushroom, we'll see. I tried to take a picture of myself but I just look used up with really good hair. Guess it was sort of a hard week. You can see it on my cruise pictures when I get back.
* I know!! How will you ever wait?!!*

Guys I'll be on the cruise in 48 hours. eeeeeee!

This is a picture of me and Tami. It was taken last weekend. Not Jan. 1st. She came in town for like 5 seconds. Mostly just to tease me and make me taste coffee again. We had fun. I'm not sure, actually, why I have such a big face.

Soooo, the plan for tonight was to stay in and watch my Netflix videos, and process some things that are in the back of my head, and perhaps begin to pack. Unfortunately, something is wrong with the sound on my DVD and everyone's voice is all slow and creepy, and coming out 2 seconds after their mouths move. Of course I'm not REALLY going to pack this early, but I don't really want my Friday night event to be thinking, so here I am distracting myself. Don't you hate it how there has to even be a Friday night "event"? There's way more pressure than with a Tuesday night or something.

I was going to watch a movie with a friend but we moved it to yesterday because today I was inducing this girl, and I had a feeling she would take all night. She was delivered by 8:30 this morning, so uh, yeah. About those feelings I have. They were wrong.

This afternoon we saw patients, even though we never see patients on Friday afternoons, just to try and make up time with the holidays and me being out all next week. People in the office did favors for me all day, I don't know why, but it was fabulous. Maybe because of my new hair. Nancy saw one of my patients so I could eat lunch when I was so starving, and then she took a later lunch. The doctor did an entire new patient visit for me, and Judy helped Maritza find the missing charts she needed so I could leave.

Then I went to the hospital, broke this other lady's water, and watched El Gordo y la Flaca with her until she started getting all pushy. She was one of those ones who moves her baby fast, and she tried to push the head out while I was putting my gloves on, and the nurse was yelling at me to hurry up, and I delivered the baby with my pinky not all the way in the glove yet. That feels so annoying. The pinky, not the fast delivery. I love those. Afterwards I offered her some jugo de oveja. I meant to say grape juice, but then they started laughing at me, and so I tried purple juice, and they were like, "OH, uva!" and then I knew I was an idiot.
My Spanish, guys. It's awesome. Have some sheep juice. You've worked hard.

You know that Irreplaceable song by Beyonce? Of course you do. I think it's mean. But at least she's hot.

Here's some unsolicited advice that I'm giving you, because I'm giving it to myself tonight. If you're tired and it's been a long week, you shouldn't try to stay up late and force yourself to make important decisions. You should just flop around and call your uncomplicated friends and read dumb books and work on your eyebrows.


Here's me and Linda at Olive Garden last week. She doesn't usually smile like that, but you know, she was hungry.

Fall over here

Most of those were pictures from Susan's wedding. She got married last weekend to a guy named Justin, who is wearing an orange shirt in one of the pictures, but actually wore a tuxedo at his wedding. They are going to live 15 minutes away from me, in Calhoun, and get used to my face. Emily and Peter both came down for the wedding, the 3 of us had a good time together. The wedding was fun, too. Emily and I were in it, we wore dresses with really tight armholes. I caught the bouquet, because I dove for it and grabbed it away from some little girls. Just kidding, that's not cool.

Lately I've been less excited about births, but my 55th one was a really great one. It surprised me because this particular couple had been so irritating during her pregnancy, like tons of problems, going to the ER for dumb stuff, calling all the time, refusing to use over the counter treatments because Medicaid wouldn't pay for them, and ignoring my recommendations. But in labor her epidural stopped working, so we got it redosed and that didn't help, so she was basically on her own. She had one freak out, I-can't-do-this episode, but then she closed her eyes, grabbed her mom's hand and her husband's hand, and got it together. She pushed really effectively, and her husband was a decent coach, and I had to make a couple of decisions quickly and they were all the right ones.

At the end the baby's heart rate dropped down low so I cut an episiotomy and told the mom to push harder. (I don't think I'll ever get used to episiotomies. It feels wrong to use scissors to cut someone's skin.) And the cord was around the baby's neck but it wasn't that tight so I was able to slip it off before the rest delivered. I got the baby out fast and she started crying right away, so I put her on the pts. chest instead of handing her to the nursery nurse. That sort of pisses them off I think, because the nursery nurse is just standing there, waiting to get apgars and footprints and examine the baby...but those first moments look pretty unforgettable, so maybe it's worth it. Afterwards I was sewing for almost an hour-bleh. I was proud of myself because the doctor didn't show up until after the placenta was out, and I had it under control. Even when she started to bleed a lot, I remembered what to do and got it to stop. So it was cool. God knows what I need, and it was refreshing to be encouraged in my work.

So that noise. I just looked out my door. Four houses away, someone is washing their car with Spanish rap music playing. It sounds kind of sing-song-y and teasing.

Here's some pictures

Monday night again

Today was really busy. I was running about 45 minutes late with most of my patients. Everybody, it seemed, had some problem, something out of the ordinary; "orange stuff" or "rib pain" or a problem with their pharmacy. I had 7 no show patients from today and Friday, and so I wrote seven "you missed your appointment" letters. That's a weird thing we do at this office. If you don't come to your appointment, we chase you down.

Also, no one had brought money to pay for their Pap smears. I really hate talking about money with people, but I have to frequently. At the same time, it's weird to me that people will come to doctor's appointments with no money at all. Pap smears cost $85.

We had two LPN students following us today. They were nice girls, and they asked a lot of why questions, which is good for me. It was sort of hard to figure out what to show them...I guess I don't really know what LPNs do. I talked about how I was deciding to treat people for their symptoms and diagnosing bacterial infections, but then I stopped because they won't be doing that stuff. It feels strange to be in a position to teach.

Linda came over and we had dinner together at Outback--which was great, as usual. Then we went back to my apartment and she taught me some stuff to study for her management test tomorrow, like operational strategy vs. functional strategy. It was a lot of ideas, the kind that float around in the air and all sound the same. She liked it. I like concrete stuff better. That was something I appreciated about nursing school.

I saw Memoirs of a Geisha. It was okay, not great. At the end I wondered how a guy named Arthur Golden knew all that stuff about Japanese women. Because Arthur Golden sounds like a guy on a cereal box or something.

I was off call this past weekend and I went to Chattanooga and went to a football game, watched movies, and jumped on the trampoline so much that I had to take a shower. And I got new jeans...I hadn't bought any since college I think, so it was time. Two weeks ago some of us went canoeing at Suck Creek, I think I have pictures of that in my computer somewhere...

A. Sparks

I got my hair cut today, here in town, by a girl named Britney. I'm not sure yet, but I think it may be another mushroom. Maybe now that I'm 25 I'll start doing my hair in the mornings. You know how that always happens after you get a haircut? It's like, you tell yourself you're going to start fixing it how they did, but then it never happens.

This morning I woke up from a dream that was so great I got out of bed early to write it down...but it left me before I could. I still have a notebook out. It had something to do with music, guitar and bass and drums, but I can't remember anything else. I should probably have just laid there and let it linger instead of trying to capture it.

Well. My tone is sort of judgmental so far, I think I'll stop that now.

Every day I ride the elevator to work and I think about the elevator inspector, whose name is Amos Sparks. He inspects the elevators in the Medical Plaza and the hospital, and the certificate expires this month. I hope I see him. I bet he's 100 years old.

I saw Christie when I went home on my birthday. We took a series of unflattering pictures together. This is the least offensive.

sweating

Guys, I had a good time at Dawn's wedding, the dancing was fun even though participation wasn't great. We danced for like 2 or 3 hours, and then I went to sing karaoke with some people, with my hair still plasticked up and fancy. The karaoke was at a house. I've never been to a karaoke bar like in Lost in Translation.

I just got back this afternoon. Charleston is seven hours away! What? The last hour and the first hour were the longest. The first hour was so long because I figured out that I had 28 fifteen-minute segments of the trip to finish, so for awhile I was going, "all right! only 26 more of those to go!" That's not actually very encouraging.

So, when I walked into my apartment it felt a little thick, so I walked myself over to the thermostat and saw that it was set on 72 but the actual temperature was 87. It's just blowing out plain unconditioned air, and my cheeks are red. Outside it feels good but the mosquitoes are pretty bad. I called the maintenance guy and he came (!) but said it was the compressor and he couldn't fix it until tomorrow, and then he said no, I couldn't have a hotel room. It was worth a shot, though. There's a ceiling fan in my bedroom, so I'll be all right I hope...especially because I am so tired from this weekend. We were up late every night, and we couldn't sleep in.

On my birthday we had the wedding rehearsal in the morning, out on the beach sort of. I wore a dress. Then we had lunch and I got stuck downtown without a ride back to the hotel. Everyone wanted to walk around but I was trying to get back so I could go see my parents. I called to find out about the hotel shuttle, and they told me 12:30 on the corner of Meeting and East Bay streets, look for an unmarked white 15 passenger van. That was crappy because then I was walking up to every plain white van asking if they were going back to the Hilton. One guy said, no, but I'll give you a ride there....and by then it was 12:50. So I called the hotel back and they said, "what? No, there won't be a shuttle til 2:15." Anyways, what would you have done? Called a cab so you could PAY a strange man to take you back, or gone with this guy? He acted like he didn't feel like taking me, so I thought that was a good sign.

I told him it was my birthday. I'm not sure he believed me. He said I didn't look a day over twenty-one. I'm not actually old enough yet to enjoy that kind of comment. Maybe next year. He was a nice guy, from Boston, I think 28 or 29, worked as a maintenance guy for a taxi company. It was fine. I'll never do it again.

Two weeks later

Just pretend like we're all in a cuckoo clock, and it's ten, so the doors are opening and we're coming out. This is not actually a balcony. It's just a railing with some bars you can stand on, sort of scary. Unfortunately, Jackie was asleep that day. We had such a fun time at Wim's house! He planned out all our meals so we didn't have to go out, and had stuff for us to do while we were there, and beds for everyone. Good job. At my house, there's only one mattress. I don't even have air mattresses. I do have a decent couch, though.

I had two births today. Both of them did great, although the epidurals were less than satisfactory and we had to keep calling the anesthesiologist to come back. If you make the decision to have an epidural, you shouldn't be crying. Your pain should be minimal. That's how I feel about it, anyway. Linda and one of her roommates came over for dinner tonight, I made pesto, and she told me about school. And I opened some birthday presents. Did you ever know that? My birthday is Saturday. I'm going to be 25.
Here's another picture of all of us. I know what you're thinking: where's Steph? Well, guys, that's what I was thinking too. I didn't realize I was all twisted.

This weekend I'm leaving again, for Dawn's wedding in Charleston. Who wants to come with? There's going to be dancing! Do you know, I don't think I've danced at a wedding since the Wykoffs. Not that long ago actually...two years.

For my birthday Linda gave me a big framed picture of some houses on the water in Charleston. It looks good in my living room. She also gave me a fancy vase, and some matching plates and mugs. I don't really have many dishes, so that's helpful. Now when you come over I can feed you. Listen, that is all for now, I have to get up early so I can round on those patients who delivered today before work. Send me a text message on my birthday if you remember- I like those.

remembering this makes me laugh out loud

On Wednesday I was doing a 6 week postpartum visit when I noticed a rather large mole on my patient. I forgot the word for freckle, or mole, so I asked her about the lentil on her neck instead. I don't know why that word was in my head, but I like it. Lenteja!

A record today, guys! 3 births! I've been up since 3:45.

Laura Star stopped by tonight, that nice girl.

This weekend I'm going to Nashvegas, so I'll have some good pictures next time I post. Of those St. Louis types.

More photos

London Bridge

This is who I spent my last day off with. Nicky and James. I'm glad they're finally back from Washington.

Well so far today I've had 3 births. The doctor doesn't even put his gloves on anymore, he just stands there and watches me. I smell like latex. I did two repairs. The second one made me all sweaty and frustrated, and the patient asked me if it was my first time.

I joined Netflix again, because I was starting to go to the claustro-in-the-Kroger Blockbuster, and it's like $4.75 per movie there. Not that I'm becoming a slug that sits on the couch and watches movies every day. I'm still reading a lot and going to the wrong classes at the gym. They have these new things called BOSU balls there, that are like exercise balls chopped in half. You are supposed to step up on them and try to balance, etc. At one point we lined them all up and jumped from one to another while the instructor cheered, and that is when I felt ridiculous. This one instructor who I keep getting, the one who thinks 16 reps is an acceptable number of times to repeat an action, she always uses the same music. Her tape includes that song about "working at the car wash" and "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." Fabulous.

The people who live across the street from me are cleaning out their car every other day now, like with a vacuum cleaner. I wonder what they spill in there.















I also hung out with these girls last week on my day off. We went to Olive Garden, because I like that place. The waiter had struggles with everything...bringing water (Laura's a camel), getting enough silverware, bringing the right food. These old roommate types are all going to be in a triathlon on Sunday! They didn't try very hard to talk me into participating, don't worry.

I still like my cats, even though they knock over my plants.
Today I tried to get my patient up out of bed so she could go to the bathroom and the nurse said that was not allowed, because she was on pitocin. I don't think that actually makes any sense. She was only like 6 cm, it's not like the baby was going to come out right then. Anyways the nurse said I would have to write an order if I wanted her out of bed. I didn't feel like making a big deal out of it today, but I will someday, that is so ridiculous.

Later I tried to feed one of my patients and that was vetoed as well, this time by the doctor. The reasoning behind that is, they might end up with an emergency cesarean and be under general anesthesia, and vomit up their stomach contents, then inhale them into their lungs. Then you could get a weird pneumonia and die.

Right. So next time you're hungry in labor, send your husband out for something and don't ask permission. I've said that stuff here before. I think 3 months into a job on temporary hospital privileges is probably too early to start throwing my weight around.

Well, Linda's coming back for more college in a few weeks! That's exciting, another person to hang out with. I don't feel very interesting lately. At night I dream about work, about being in situations where I neglect my responsibilities...like, my pager goes off, and I never hear it, or I've got a patient in labor, and I forget about her. Have I told you about the scrubs I wear? They have snaps. It's easy to get out of practice with snaps as an adult, so it's a good thing.

I got better books from the library this time, guys. I got a John Grisham, Amy Tan, Agatha Christie, and P.G. Wodehouse, who is my favorite.

Anyways, if you were to come visit me, I would make macaroni and cheese and we could sit here with my aggressive un-neutered cats and talk about all the people who are stuck in the airport in London.

Thursday.

I had another birth today, a slow-moving induction that started at 8 and finished around 7. I was back and forth between the hospital and my house all day, and since she had like 12 people there to support her, I wasn't much needed in that capacity. I made a couple of independent decisions that felt like a big deal but actually weren't, but okay, good practice, right? So when the nurse paged me and told me that there was a lot of molding and a few variables, I decided not to go in to the hospital, and when the heart rate was dropping with each contraction I told her to stop the pitocin.

It was a great hot day, and I made myself a brilliant lunch. A big salami sandwich and potato salad and chips and sweet tea...I didn't even need dinner.

When I got home from the birth I called this guy, Alfred, who is supposed to introduce me to a young adults group that meets a couple of times a week in town. A man at church gave me his number. It was brave of me.

Tomorrow afternoon I am going to clean my apartment. Don't try to talk me out of it. It's GOING to happen. Then tomorrow night I'm going to a good-bye dinner for Liz & Todd, which'll be cool. I'm excited---I'm off call all weekend long. But I'm on tonight and I have rounds in the morning so I have to sleep now. I've been getting loads of sleep, it's been nice. At work they are putting my diploma on the wall.

Shirley, the vampire.

Hi Ben H! I just read your blog. I didn't know you had one either. Welp, that's a conversation-stopper.

Yesterday morning at 5:30 I got called in for a birth. An hour and a half later I was back home getting ready. I ate a bowl of cereal, then I got in the shower and threw it all up and thought about not going to work. But I went in anyway, and it was okay. After work I went to the gym and did this "Total Body Conditioning" class that made me die. It was me and 3 other old people who were much more in shape than I, and we hopped and punched and kicked and jumped and looked worse than ridiculous. Let me tell you, doing something sixteen times in a row, really sucks, and so does weight-lifting. Afterwards I felt all melted, like a puddle. After I got home, a nurse from labor & delivery called and said there was a decreased fetal movement patient for me, so I went all sweaty and wearing "Soddy Daisy Wrestling" shorts...and handled the whole thing by myself! It was great. TCD (the doctor I work with) didn't need to come in at all. I felt like a success.

Today has been good too. I wore earrings and makeup and I did rounds on that patient from yesterday before going to the office, and then they ordered lunch for us so I didn't have to eat a gross frozen dinner. Wednesdays are usually the busiest days, and some women waited an hour to be seen. I didn't miss any of my blood draws...I'm getting better. Do you know, there's nurse in this town named Shirley or Shelby or something who is reknown for her blood-drawing skills. She works at the outpatient lab and that's where you send people who you can't stick on your own. After work I got a phone call from a friend who I haven't seen since high school, she told me all about her life now. It's a lot different from mine. She is married to a guy who is off working for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, and she spends all day taking care of her 1 year old. The town she lives in is so small, it doesn't even have a Wal-Mart.

At our Wal-Mart the other day I ran into divorced guy again. The first thing he said to me was, "I don't want you to think I'm following you or anything!" and then he told me a lot of stuff about why he was getting divorced, and his class that he's required to take. It was sort of inapproriate, I'm realizing now. Um, yeah.

I miss my friend Nicky. She needs to come home from stupid Washington already.

One of the books I started has a heroine named Nazneen. I think that's really going to be a struggle for me. Try to think of an uglier combination of letters...I can't.

chicken pot pie

Okay, so I got internet in my apartment today. Wireless and unsecured. I'm sure my neighbors love me. Brilliant.

The bigger news, though, is that as of yesterday afternoon, I got hospital privileges!!!
Since then, I've had 5 births...what the? 2 were vaginal births, that I actually delivered, and the others were sections where I was first assist. That means I stand across from TCD (my employer) and hold stuff. Right. Anyways I didn't try to pass out this time. It turns out that actually being involved in the surgery is less nauseating than standing on the side thinking about the chili I ate for dinner. Gross.

This is what I'm eating right now for dinner, because I am too lazy to go to the grocery or cook. These cost 40 cents, Peter told me about them, and they're kind of gross. All the sodium you can eat.

Okay I got lots of pictures.

This is from Dawn's wedding shower, which happened to be during my vacation in Oburg at the end of June. That is absolutely as good as my hair gets. :)

These are the cats. They are both boys. Sometimes I take them to the vet for shots, and I can't believe how much it costs, and I think I'm throwing my money away.But they run to meet me when I get home from work, and when I flop on the couch they join me. I like having something else alive in my very quiet apartment. I also have two peace lilies and a geranium. Sooo tied down.

It's a rainy July evening. I'm listening to Norah Jones.
These are my choices. I didn't get cable along with my internet, because I'm afraid of being like that guy I met in Nashville, who told me he was lonely until he got cable in his apartment. That one on the bottom is REALLY stupid, don't ever read it. Guys, thanks for the suggestions.
Hey, I know I am foolish and emotional but yesterday was my first birth in 6 months, and it didn't rock. I was expecting it to. I don't know. I guess I'm still growing into this job. That's what I told myself at 3 am on the way back to the hospital.

I finally joined the gym. I had to make an appointment, then go to an hour long orientation. I needed something else to do, and I need to meet more people. I liked it because I saw my pastor's wife there, and a woman that I work with at the pool, and a Covenant grad works at the front desk. I felt sort of connected. Maybe I'll actually go sometimes. I met a little guy there who told me all about his recent divorce, daughter, and hope for reconciliation. I know he was younger than me. Poor guy. I didn't know what to say, because I didn't know him, and he was all oozing. I just nodded and listened.

In the morning I am going to go to the hospital again and discharge three postpartum patients. It's not actually a big deal but I'm nervous anyway, because I've never done it myself before. I need to go pray now before my brain is done.

On page 444

So, I'm reading Vanity Fair by Thackeray. It's not what I'd call gripping. Before that I read Gone With the Wind, which was more interesting, but ended on such a depressing note!! I had no idea--but how lame, for Rhett's love to run out. I don't know why I was on Scarlett's side anyway, she was so horrible. Guys, I need some book recommendations. Peter gave me one idea, for a Michael Crichton book but I couldn't find it at the library.

I've been in Orangeburg all week, mostly alone. My mom and sisters are on a mission trip and Tico sleeps most of the day and Dad goes to work. It worked out that I had about a week and a half off from work, so I came here, and brought the kittens. I'll have to post some pictures of them--I got two. White and grey and white and orange.

Yesterday Tico and I played ping-pong and I won. Today we played Life and he won, but that's kind of a dumb game.
There have been these beetles around the pool that are enormous- like they belong somewhere more exotic than the USA. They are longer than my thumbs and fatter definitely.

slacker

Hi guys, that's what I am. Actually, I don't have the internet at my apartment yet, I'm writing this from work. But I do have an apartment....it's the one with the big kitchen. I live there alone, with minimal furniture.
Things have been going okay at work so far...there's a lot to take in. I haven't done any deliveries yet, I am still waiting for the hospital to give me privileges. My days are filled up with office work now: prenatal visits, ultrasounds, postpartum stuff, charting, labwork, blood draws, and waiting for the doctor. He calls me in to observe the births and round on his patients with him.

I REALLY need a haircut.

For my social life, I go back to Chattanooga. I still don't know anyone besides my coworkers here. I know what you're thinking: that girl needs a cat! I agree.

Yesterday for dinner I ate Chinese. It cost $3.20.
Because of the long weekend I checked on flights to San Diego, I was thinking I could go see Em and Ken. They are kind of expensive, so I won't be going.
Hey that's all for now.

To fill in the spaces

That's Tico, you know.

Right now I'm listening to "I've Got You Under My Skin" and thinking I should probably eat more than pop-tarts if I don't want to have a growly stomach in church. Last night I got dressed up and went to the Meeting Place with Nicky for Moriah's birthday. I didn't have a present. Nicky showed me some spiky grass growing in planters outside and told me it cost a thousand dollars to get that kind of banded grass.

Today is my last Sunday at St. Elmo Pres. It's annoying to keep thinking of things in lasts...I've only been here six months! But I always do that anyway.

I need to go pick out a skrit and cook some eggs.

Mud

Guys, it has been raining for 3 days and everything is muddy. Yesterday on my way to work in the pouring rain I thought about my old theory that it was my mother's fault that it rained, because every time we went to Ace Hardware that's what would happen.

If you like a girl, you should write her little notes. We like that.

Packing day

This is the street you turn on to get to my apartment. Mine is the one with the smallest windows.

Yesterday was a better day. I got all my blood draws and made sure to balance the centrifuge before I turned it on. And then I washed all the speculums. I had to wear special glasses. 2 different people came in to check on my scrubbing technique. First they soak, then we scrub them, then we put them in the dishwasher, then we put them in the autoclave. Autoclaves are much less important-looking than you would think.

Around 10 am there was a big storm, and the sky was so black that when I looked out the window I saw my own reflection. The flourescent lights were flickering in the hall.

We are on the 3rd floor of the building. Women still ask if people from the parking lot can see them while they are changing. They can't.

I ate lunch with 5 other women in the kitchen. We talked about Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt's romantic attachments. Every time the phone rang, it was like "yeah, we're at lunch" but they looked at the caller id anyways.

When I got home from work I painted my toenails again.

How it goes

Today when I was trying to get some blood out of this lady's arm, I couldn't. I stuck the needle in, connected the tube to the end, and NO red dribble. Tried to subtly reposition the needle, but no luck. So I undid the tourniquet, and tied it around the other arm. I found a vein and thought about the angle it was running at, got a new needle and stuck again. Nothing. Then I was frustrated so I let go for a second to reach some gauze and the needle went sideways! What?
I only give it two tries. So another nurse came and stuck the back of her hand.

Later I went to spin the tubes of blood and I didn't balance the centrifuge right so it jumped violently across the counter and people kept coming in to see what all the noise was about.

All day long people tell me details about how to do things, and I just think, "thanks for telling me, but I'm probably going to have to hear it again tomorrow" and feel kind of dumb. There are a lot of details. It seems to have very little to do with all the stuff I learned in school. Anyways I'm annoyed and tired right now.

I leased an apartment...I'll move in on the 29th. It has 2 bedrooms upstairs, and a fireplace downstairs. I'm going to live alone. It'll be brilliant. You're all invited for dinner in the carpet capital of the world.

wood bees

More apartments today. All the wood bees are out hanging in the air right now, I tried not to freak out. They make a perfect round hole, I guess they actually eat the wood. Zzzzz. Do you know, there are a lot of really ugly, dark places to live. I wonder if the people who live there stop noticing after awhile. I saw one apartment that was different. It had a big kitchen with a lot of counter space, and sunny bedrooms, and a fireplace, and a patio, and large closets, and Berber carpet. I hope it's for me.

This afternoon I shot a bb gun. I was fantastic. I hit everything I wanted to.

I hate it when I smell like my car. Car is better than latex gloves, though.

This time next week I'll be in scrubs again

So now I'm looking for a place to live. I'm thinking about roommates, boxes, w/d hook-ups, and wondering where in the world my immunization record went, because I need it again. Yesterday I went through my "files" and found stuff I didn't know what to do with, like my SAT & GRE scores, my high school transcript, grades from Oxford, and some resumes from the summer of 2002. There was this whole folder called, "Stuff to do if I never get into nursing school" that went in the trash.

Last night I was trying to fall asleep and I kept thinking about the apartments I'd seen. They were built in an old cotton mill, with high exposed ceilings, brick walls, wood floors, huge windows. Oddly shaped rooms, lots of open space, that kind of thing. The woman who was showing me the place talked on her cell phone the whole time, just unlock a door, turn on the lights and keep talking while I walked around. Some of the windows started at my chin. When we were done, she asked me what kind of work I did, and after I answered she looked at me with her mouth open and said something dramatic about "little babies." I said yep. And then she said something about me being 18 years old. So I left.

Up for the weekend

They were all here (except Mom) and so we walked for awhile. It was beautiful but we were cold. We made dinner together and then went to the $2 theatre for Syriana. I'll start work in 11 days, on April 10. I hate how this is making all the text stay at the top.

Lines

Here's a picture of my triangle nose, and my hair stripes.

Well...

We don't have a plunger. Actually, we do. But there's no handle on it, so that's just completely disgusting. I found a metal rod we could use as a handle, but it wouldn't attach very well, and after a brief argument about whether or not a plunger needs to trap air to work, I won and then used my naked, ungloved hand to guide it through the water into place. Rachel connected the rod and did the pumping part. Then she said good job and told me I was like a missionary girl.

I'm reading this new library book now, called "My First Crush." It's about this couple who buys a winery in Oregon and starts making Pinot Noir. At first they live in Iowa, and the wife's all sad about leaving and starting a new life, because she's like 50 and has lived there forever. It has these little fun fact boxes off to the side about special diseases that grapes can get, etc. Understand that I am a person who goes to the library, sees a book with "My First Crush" on it in swirly letters, and grabs it off the shelf.

So anyways, I think I found a job I could enjoy. Also, I think that for the next year, I am going to find it difficult to establish any sort of routine, and I'll learn to chill out, and I guess I'll just be out of control and unable to prepare and screwing up and that makes me REALLY NERVOUSY.
That was a great sentence. I think that should be the end.

Advice

Never try to vacuum up a ball of kitchen twine. It makes that smell come out of the vacuum. You know what I'm talking about.

Tampa

I went to Tampa last weekend for a beach wedding with Liz. It felt strange to have my toes curling in the sand while the bride walked down on her father's arm. They fed us really great lunch...different kinds of seafood and chicken and vegetables, and then we sat around and talked or went on the beach for a few hours. Besides the wedding, it seemed like all anyone wanted to talk about was their birth experiences. Of course I enjoy hearing about that but after the 3rd conversation began about epidurals, I was kind of done. So I went to flop on the sand and take a vacation from talking to people I didn't know. I listened to a brown solid grandma telling someone about her old sewing machine, and that was much more interesting.

Just kidding, actually it was boring, but I couldn't not listen because it was all I could hear really.
At the beach it doesn't matter if anything interesting is happening though, because my brain gets all melty in the sun. All I do is sweat and stare at people and drink out of a warm water bottle. This is very pleasant, and for some reason, exhausting.

I didn't take any pictures while I was there. But everyone knows what Florida looks like, right? There's nothing subtle about it. There aren't any muted colors. Everything is loud and bright and oily.

Turn left here

Susan's been here all weekend. She likes this guy. The 3 of us spent the afternoon together yesterday, then they left to go ride a motocycle, and I washed our lunch dishes and went to see James.

At the Lewins, Steve was watching this Japanese animated movie in English with French subtitles set in Sicily. I know, all you guys are going, "I love that movie!" But actually it didn't seem that interesting. So I flopped on the floor in the nursery and Nicky told me stories while James orally inspected a bottle of foot cream. Then I tried to sing a French song about a donkey with a very bad headache to James, and Steve looked at me, and Nicky laughed.

Then I went to a community meeting at the old Fire Hall. It was slightly excruciating. It felt like a lot of talking about talking about doing something. Everyone thought his story was the most important one, the most vulnerable to being disregarded, and we made larger and larger circles around the point, until somebody would pop the balloon and we would come back to earth for a second.
Then the secretary doing the minutes turned to me and asked, "do you know how to type?" All of a sudden it was my job to write down what was happening during that meeting. It was unbelievably difficult for me, so this woman whispered in my ear what to write, and they kept telling her to be quiet, so then she would whisper so quietly I couldn't hear her, and I wrote lots of things like, "that other man Says, their are still trying to plant trees and what kind are left crepe myrtlesshe asked him?"

Luckily, it ended. When I got home my roommates were having a "see who can jump higher" contest. I made Scooby Doo macaroni and cheese and ate all of it except for what was stolen away while I got myself a napkin.

Cold stomach

Once I went for a walk with a friend.
We were in Oxford, so it was a grey afternoon.
I didn't know how to get there, and he did, so I was following him.
We were walking single file through all these strong dry weeds, and the conversation was "what?" and "watch out for that thing" and my usual comments about fast walking and sports injuries, etc.
After awhile, we came to an open pasture, so wide that I couldn't see where it ended.
He pointed and we started across.
In that field, there was wind like I have never felt before.
I think at first we were just sort of leaning into it and laughing about getting tossed around, but the more we walked, the worse it got.
It blew so violently that it became difficult for me to stay upright or even exhale, and I remember trying to talk to him, but every time I got close enough for him to hear me, my hair would slap at his face.
In the end we went the only way we could, which was kind of sideways and around the edges.

Hours later, full of meat and wine and sitting all warm in the restaurant, I ordered chocolate profiteroles for dessert.

Fat Tuesday

Don't forget the pancakes.

Or the pizza.

Or the tanning bed.

Dear Mom

Shari Lewis was the voice behind Lambchop, of Lambchop's Play-Along...startlingly bright hair, catchy songs.

Anyways you have to pick. You can't just say neither. Otherwise you get the booby prize choice by default, which REALLY sucks.

Hold on, I'm still trying to think of it.

Okay...here it is.

Every new chapter has to begin with an entire line from the song, "My Humps" by the Black-Eyed Peas.

Newsflash

This is my favorite baby. He's scared of my face when it's upside down.

These are some green beans that I'm growing.
They are a lot bigger now, I've already transplanted them to pots on our windowsill.

Right now April is talking on the phone and I'm eating leftover lasagna for lunch and trying not to listen. Yeah.

I watched another Paul Newman movie. It was called "On the Terrace" or something like that. I watched the whole thing, even when it got gross/boring, because I didn't want to repeat the mistake I made with Cool Hand Luke. It didn't turn out to be very interesting.

Last night for roommate night we went to the gym and played basketball, tall girls against short girls. We schooled them--obviously. Then we tried to go in the hot tub, but I couldn't actually breathe in there with all the high bubbly water and low ceiling, so I went in the sauna until I started feeling light-headed and everyone thought I was really hard core. Then I drank a lot of water and put my necklace back on. I enjoyed it, especially when we walked back out into the rain that had been coming down all day...I felt like I was getting away with something.

Once we got back home, a boy called April and said "come see the new puppy" so she and I went with stringy curlyish chlorine hair. That was interesting. I saw an old friend there.

Anyways...as far as the job search goes...I had a 2nd or 3rd-ish interview with one practice. I also went to a meeting of all the area midwives and tried to be professional and grown up and let them know that I'd probably be a good person to hire. It went well. The food was brilliant. I had the salmon.

I'm working on getting my licenses to practice in GA and TN right now. It is confusing enough that I have to work on it little by little. I hate doing stuff like that. Maybe everyone does. I would make a terrible orthodontist. I like sitting down and knowing that when I get up, the project will be finished.

So if you wrote a book today, would you rather have your big face on the cover, or have Shari Lewis write your foreword?

S-N-W-O

It's snowing again now. If I were someone who was committed to seeing beautiful things every day, I would go up the mountain and wander around for awhile.
However:
1. I saw it Saturday
2. I might die on the way up there, as it has been freezing and wet all weekend
3. My house is warm
4. My house has lots of windows and cozy places to sit
5. Maybe later

But anyways, I should go find that book and see what happened to that Edna before I forget.

Okay I'm back. He became a pastor and has proposed to her multiple times, but she keeps saying no because of dying crippled orphans and the manuscripts she's working on.

This is how it ends: "Edna looked reverently up at his beaming countenance, whence the shadows of hate and scorn had long since passed; and, as his splendid eyes came back to hers, reading in her beautiful, pure face all her love and confidence and happy hope, he drew her closer to his bosom, and laid his dark cheek on hers, saying fondly and proudly..."

That's like 2 hours after their wedding. Obviously. Edna's not into premarital cheek layage.

Happy Birthday Zach! tomorrow.

Steph came this weekend for the Kaleo conference (Gender & the Church). We went together. It was interesting. I talked to some of my old professors, which was good, because I was wondering how to re-establish contact with them. And I talked with Mel Murray and her husband, which was good.

Guess what I am the greeter for church this month. I've never been a greeter before. At first when Becky told me I had to do it I got nervous, but last week I realized that you don't have to talk to everyone. You just have to smile at their eyes and give them a bulletin and then move out of the way so they can keep going into the sanctuary.

The snow has basically stopped, so I need to get going.

St. Elmo

This morning I noticed a sock in the toilet. It wasn't mine. I told Rachel and she acted like I had done it to be funny, but that's not how I'm funny. I made her get it out.

I'm better from my cold now. I know that because when I woke up my mouth was closed and my pillow was dry. When I'm sick that's not how it works.

Well, I don't know why you guys wouldn't want me to go on a trip for SB.

Awhile ago I was reading this book I found in our house called St. Elmo. It was written in the 19th century and it is a really beautiful book, I think it belongs to the people who own the house.

Anyways, it's one of those books where you can skip large portions of it because you know that the author is about to go on and on about something....and it's like, okay, I understand it already, you can stop going on about her simple homespun dress and the sunrise and the hymn she's singing absentmindedly and her pail of water and her ugly dog that she loves anyways.

It's fun to read because it makes me feel so smart, because I can say things to myself like, "oh geez, Romanticism; glad we're not as into that anymore, but we're sort of getting back into it again, I should probably reread Bobos in Paradise." I would say more intelligent things, if I knew anything, but I've pretty much forgotten it all, so yeah.

I remember when I was maybe 12 I used to lose myself in writing like that. L.M. Montgomery was my favorite author for awhile.

I wonder why that appealed to me so much then? I guess it appeals to me now too, since I read two chapters of a book like that this morning. I think/hope I liked it this AM because it was funny, though. This girl is basically sinless, and has recently lost all her family and become a cripple, and she's struggling through....and I was just about to stop reading when they introduced a guy who is basically Satan. And I already know what's going to happen, so that's when I really stopped reading and came to go brag to my Mom, Peter, Em and Dan that I know what's going to happen.

You guys will know too, just read this:

"A painful thrill shot along Edna's nerves, and an indescribable sensation of dread, a presentiment of coming ill, overshadowed her heart. This was the son of her friend, and the first glimpse of him filled her with instantaneous repugnance; there was an innate and powerful repulsion which she could not analyze. He was a tall, athletic man, not exactly young, yet certainly not elderly; one of anomalous appearance, prematurely old, and, though not one white thread silvered his thick, waving, brown hair, the heavy and habitual scowl on his high full brow had plowed deep furrows such as age claims for its monogram."

St Louis

My roommates and I drove up to St. Louis this weekend to see all the seminary friends. It was brilliant, I loved it. Kind of a long trip though, like 7 hours. Rachel and April did all the driving, and I rolled around in the backseat giving orders, eating doritos, offering my opinions on various topics, and singing along with the radio.

We neglected to bring the CDs with us, so all we had were what we could find in my car, which included Roberto Torres, Lauryn Hill, and the Andrew Lloyd Weber premiere collection. So, yeah, it was mostly radio for us.
April has struggles with XM radio....she seems to enjoy all the options, but when it comes to listening to a song all the way through... she actually can't, most of the time. This is how I listen to music too, skipping around a lot, but I never realized how jarring it is when someone else is controlling the skippage.

Sometimes April makes these mixed CDs, and I appreciate her song choices, but the order she puts them in is completely confusing to me. She'll go from Michael Bolton to Black-Eyed Peas to Coldplay to Dixie Chicks to Kanye West, and then she'll throw in an instrumental from the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack. We talked about it once, and she told me that she does that intentionally because she gets bored with the same musical style over and over. When I make CDs, they are usually about sameness. Same sound, or same time in life that I was listening to them, or same amount of energy required to listen to them, or something.

I told all this to Zach and he said he was on April's team and then he told me to go watch High Fidelity.
But I'm not going to because right now I'm busy having a cold.
I think I'm going to the Gulf Islands for Spring Break. Are you still allowed to do SB when you're out of school?

Last night I didn't fall asleep until 3a.
I tried all the usual tricks...
watching tv
eating cookies
asking God to make me fall asleep
reading something really hard
staring out the window
telling my brain that I was through for the day and nothing else was going to be accomplished
trying to hold very still

But after a couple of hours, I was so frustrated that I just gave up and took a sleeping pill.
Now it's ten-thirty and I just woke up, because the sun was blazing through my cheap white curtains.

Sometime this am, I got up and went to the bathroom and Rachel said something to the effect of, "you probably don't want a shower this morning....call Glen....drain...Laura Star's fault...ha ha."
Now I don't know if it was a joke or if I really shouldn't take a shower. Or if I should pour a bunch of baking soda and boiling water down the drain and then take a shower? Or if I should just ignore it and go hang out at a coffee shop with other unemployed unwashed folk? Or maybe do that disgusting coat hanger thing where you fish for hair?

The good thing is, the sun has finally come out again. It's rained so much lately.