Saturday in October

It is getting to be the time of year when I watch the sunrise on the way to work in the mornings. I forgot about that part. But I don't have to go to work today.

I'm eating breakfast. It's my favorite kind of cereal. Linda brought it to me on Monday night after work, along with flowers, chocolates, Halloween pencils, and ice cream. She and Manny made me dinner and folded my laundry and stayed until I started to wander up the stairs towards my bed.

Every day this week, I've had friends calling and coming over and inviting me out and talking to me on the phone. I feel like....my friends really love me a lot. And I feel grateful that God is making his love for me so easy to pick up on right now.

Six days ago, PR and I decided to break up. And afterwards I went to work, and I caught babies, and I read my library books, and I went to church, and I went out to lunch with my coworkers, and now I have a big pile of scrubs that need to be washed like at the end of any other week. Everything is the same. And it's not how I expected it to be, not that I was really anticipating this. But all the pictures of us don't bother me that much; while the sight of that book that we were reading together, that kills me.

And I have all those questions, those millions of questions I've gotten after every other break-up, those ones that you don't ask him because the answer wouldn't be satisfying, the kind that fade in importance once you really let the thing go in your head.
So I am sad. And I have laundry to do, and a shower to take, and cereal to eat, and later, Lewin boys to babysit. It'll probably be okay.