The long weekend

So last night was the first in awhile that I was up at 3 in the morning delivering a baby. I'd slept at the hospital, knowing it was coming, and when the nurse told me my patient was ready I stumbled out of the call room and down the flourescent bright hallway to do my job. I was spazzy; jerky and nauseous and quieter than I wanted to be to encourage her in her pushing. I had Friday's make-up on still, and sleepy crap built up in the corners of my eyes, and I forgot to get it out before I gowned and gloved for the delivery. Oh well. The baby came down well and I was driving through the empty streets towards home by 4:45. There was a neon "open" sign at the Cohutta Bonds place. I got the crap out of my eyes before I settled into my own bed.

Today I went to the Mexican grocery store to get some fresh produce and Japanese peanuts, which are kind of interesting tasting, and I made myself a huge salad for dinner. And I took a vitamin. And I drank some milk. And ate some defrosted shrimp, and tried to read a newspaper in Spanish that I'd picked up on my way out of the store. I sort of wished someone was around so I could be like, "hey what does that word mean?" but I don't know who. Probably Rachel.

I've been reading this book by a travel writer who goes around looking for the happiest places on the earth. It's made me wonder what my problem is with this town. It's a fine place to live. I was wondering maybe if it's because I haven't wanted to identify myself with any group here. I joined the gym, but then I quit. I go to my church when I'm in town, which is every other weekend, but I have a lot of mixed feelings about being there, and have gone back and forth in my mind about joining. I don't really have a neighborhood. I like most of my coworkers, but I don't hang out with any of them. I have a roommate, but we've both got a lot going on in our personal lives that gets in the way of us doing stuff together. I've got sort of a complicated relationship with my work; there are parts of it that I really like, and times when I feel like I am growing, but also parts where I am consistently disappointing myself, and times when I feel trapped. So I feel like a floater, and I'm not sure if I want to integrate myself better.

Some things I like about being here:
Going to the library every 3 weeks for more books.
Meeting up with Susan and Justin, or Roseanne, or Kristen.
Being close to the Lewins.
I feel like I know how to do things here. I know where stuff is, I know how things work, I know how to do my job. My body wakes up automatically in time to get to work, and I have a morning routine.
I get to see Kevin on a lot of weekends. He is great. I like the jokes he makes, the way he is considerate of me, and the way he talks.

This week Nicky had a birthday party at the Meeting Place. I drove up to Chattanooga early and picked up a necklace for her from Blue Skies, and sat outside at Stone Cup reading that book until it was time to meet everyone. It was really great, a really beautiful afternoon to be out there. There was some nerdy guy making electronic sounding music, a bored little girl with her Dad, and a group of teenagers commiserating about their awkward parents awkward responses to their marijuana use. I couldn't tell if the nerdy guy wanted people to notice him or not, because the music was pretty quiet most of the time. I guess he did.

I caught a 10lb, 2oz baby last week. So that wins the prize for my biggest, definitely. Up to 225 deliveries now.
Okay I'm done.