slacker

Hi guys, that's what I am. Actually, I don't have the internet at my apartment yet, I'm writing this from work. But I do have an apartment....it's the one with the big kitchen. I live there alone, with minimal furniture.
Things have been going okay at work so far...there's a lot to take in. I haven't done any deliveries yet, I am still waiting for the hospital to give me privileges. My days are filled up with office work now: prenatal visits, ultrasounds, postpartum stuff, charting, labwork, blood draws, and waiting for the doctor. He calls me in to observe the births and round on his patients with him.

I REALLY need a haircut.

For my social life, I go back to Chattanooga. I still don't know anyone besides my coworkers here. I know what you're thinking: that girl needs a cat! I agree.

Yesterday for dinner I ate Chinese. It cost $3.20.
Because of the long weekend I checked on flights to San Diego, I was thinking I could go see Em and Ken. They are kind of expensive, so I won't be going.
Hey that's all for now.

To fill in the spaces

That's Tico, you know.

Right now I'm listening to "I've Got You Under My Skin" and thinking I should probably eat more than pop-tarts if I don't want to have a growly stomach in church. Last night I got dressed up and went to the Meeting Place with Nicky for Moriah's birthday. I didn't have a present. Nicky showed me some spiky grass growing in planters outside and told me it cost a thousand dollars to get that kind of banded grass.

Today is my last Sunday at St. Elmo Pres. It's annoying to keep thinking of things in lasts...I've only been here six months! But I always do that anyway.

I need to go pick out a skrit and cook some eggs.

Mud

Guys, it has been raining for 3 days and everything is muddy. Yesterday on my way to work in the pouring rain I thought about my old theory that it was my mother's fault that it rained, because every time we went to Ace Hardware that's what would happen.

If you like a girl, you should write her little notes. We like that.

Packing day

This is the street you turn on to get to my apartment. Mine is the one with the smallest windows.

Yesterday was a better day. I got all my blood draws and made sure to balance the centrifuge before I turned it on. And then I washed all the speculums. I had to wear special glasses. 2 different people came in to check on my scrubbing technique. First they soak, then we scrub them, then we put them in the dishwasher, then we put them in the autoclave. Autoclaves are much less important-looking than you would think.

Around 10 am there was a big storm, and the sky was so black that when I looked out the window I saw my own reflection. The flourescent lights were flickering in the hall.

We are on the 3rd floor of the building. Women still ask if people from the parking lot can see them while they are changing. They can't.

I ate lunch with 5 other women in the kitchen. We talked about Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt's romantic attachments. Every time the phone rang, it was like "yeah, we're at lunch" but they looked at the caller id anyways.

When I got home from work I painted my toenails again.

How it goes

Today when I was trying to get some blood out of this lady's arm, I couldn't. I stuck the needle in, connected the tube to the end, and NO red dribble. Tried to subtly reposition the needle, but no luck. So I undid the tourniquet, and tied it around the other arm. I found a vein and thought about the angle it was running at, got a new needle and stuck again. Nothing. Then I was frustrated so I let go for a second to reach some gauze and the needle went sideways! What?
I only give it two tries. So another nurse came and stuck the back of her hand.

Later I went to spin the tubes of blood and I didn't balance the centrifuge right so it jumped violently across the counter and people kept coming in to see what all the noise was about.

All day long people tell me details about how to do things, and I just think, "thanks for telling me, but I'm probably going to have to hear it again tomorrow" and feel kind of dumb. There are a lot of details. It seems to have very little to do with all the stuff I learned in school. Anyways I'm annoyed and tired right now.

I leased an apartment...I'll move in on the 29th. It has 2 bedrooms upstairs, and a fireplace downstairs. I'm going to live alone. It'll be brilliant. You're all invited for dinner in the carpet capital of the world.

wood bees

More apartments today. All the wood bees are out hanging in the air right now, I tried not to freak out. They make a perfect round hole, I guess they actually eat the wood. Zzzzz. Do you know, there are a lot of really ugly, dark places to live. I wonder if the people who live there stop noticing after awhile. I saw one apartment that was different. It had a big kitchen with a lot of counter space, and sunny bedrooms, and a fireplace, and a patio, and large closets, and Berber carpet. I hope it's for me.

This afternoon I shot a bb gun. I was fantastic. I hit everything I wanted to.

I hate it when I smell like my car. Car is better than latex gloves, though.

This time next week I'll be in scrubs again

So now I'm looking for a place to live. I'm thinking about roommates, boxes, w/d hook-ups, and wondering where in the world my immunization record went, because I need it again. Yesterday I went through my "files" and found stuff I didn't know what to do with, like my SAT & GRE scores, my high school transcript, grades from Oxford, and some resumes from the summer of 2002. There was this whole folder called, "Stuff to do if I never get into nursing school" that went in the trash.

Last night I was trying to fall asleep and I kept thinking about the apartments I'd seen. They were built in an old cotton mill, with high exposed ceilings, brick walls, wood floors, huge windows. Oddly shaped rooms, lots of open space, that kind of thing. The woman who was showing me the place talked on her cell phone the whole time, just unlock a door, turn on the lights and keep talking while I walked around. Some of the windows started at my chin. When we were done, she asked me what kind of work I did, and after I answered she looked at me with her mouth open and said something dramatic about "little babies." I said yep. And then she said something about me being 18 years old. So I left.

Up for the weekend

They were all here (except Mom) and so we walked for awhile. It was beautiful but we were cold. We made dinner together and then went to the $2 theatre for Syriana. I'll start work in 11 days, on April 10. I hate how this is making all the text stay at the top.

Lines

Here's a picture of my triangle nose, and my hair stripes.

Well...

We don't have a plunger. Actually, we do. But there's no handle on it, so that's just completely disgusting. I found a metal rod we could use as a handle, but it wouldn't attach very well, and after a brief argument about whether or not a plunger needs to trap air to work, I won and then used my naked, ungloved hand to guide it through the water into place. Rachel connected the rod and did the pumping part. Then she said good job and told me I was like a missionary girl.

I'm reading this new library book now, called "My First Crush." It's about this couple who buys a winery in Oregon and starts making Pinot Noir. At first they live in Iowa, and the wife's all sad about leaving and starting a new life, because she's like 50 and has lived there forever. It has these little fun fact boxes off to the side about special diseases that grapes can get, etc. Understand that I am a person who goes to the library, sees a book with "My First Crush" on it in swirly letters, and grabs it off the shelf.

So anyways, I think I found a job I could enjoy. Also, I think that for the next year, I am going to find it difficult to establish any sort of routine, and I'll learn to chill out, and I guess I'll just be out of control and unable to prepare and screwing up and that makes me REALLY NERVOUSY.
That was a great sentence. I think that should be the end.

Advice

Never try to vacuum up a ball of kitchen twine. It makes that smell come out of the vacuum. You know what I'm talking about.

Tampa

I went to Tampa last weekend for a beach wedding with Liz. It felt strange to have my toes curling in the sand while the bride walked down on her father's arm. They fed us really great lunch...different kinds of seafood and chicken and vegetables, and then we sat around and talked or went on the beach for a few hours. Besides the wedding, it seemed like all anyone wanted to talk about was their birth experiences. Of course I enjoy hearing about that but after the 3rd conversation began about epidurals, I was kind of done. So I went to flop on the sand and take a vacation from talking to people I didn't know. I listened to a brown solid grandma telling someone about her old sewing machine, and that was much more interesting.

Just kidding, actually it was boring, but I couldn't not listen because it was all I could hear really.
At the beach it doesn't matter if anything interesting is happening though, because my brain gets all melty in the sun. All I do is sweat and stare at people and drink out of a warm water bottle. This is very pleasant, and for some reason, exhausting.

I didn't take any pictures while I was there. But everyone knows what Florida looks like, right? There's nothing subtle about it. There aren't any muted colors. Everything is loud and bright and oily.

Turn left here

Susan's been here all weekend. She likes this guy. The 3 of us spent the afternoon together yesterday, then they left to go ride a motocycle, and I washed our lunch dishes and went to see James.

At the Lewins, Steve was watching this Japanese animated movie in English with French subtitles set in Sicily. I know, all you guys are going, "I love that movie!" But actually it didn't seem that interesting. So I flopped on the floor in the nursery and Nicky told me stories while James orally inspected a bottle of foot cream. Then I tried to sing a French song about a donkey with a very bad headache to James, and Steve looked at me, and Nicky laughed.

Then I went to a community meeting at the old Fire Hall. It was slightly excruciating. It felt like a lot of talking about talking about doing something. Everyone thought his story was the most important one, the most vulnerable to being disregarded, and we made larger and larger circles around the point, until somebody would pop the balloon and we would come back to earth for a second.
Then the secretary doing the minutes turned to me and asked, "do you know how to type?" All of a sudden it was my job to write down what was happening during that meeting. It was unbelievably difficult for me, so this woman whispered in my ear what to write, and they kept telling her to be quiet, so then she would whisper so quietly I couldn't hear her, and I wrote lots of things like, "that other man Says, their are still trying to plant trees and what kind are left crepe myrtlesshe asked him?"

Luckily, it ended. When I got home my roommates were having a "see who can jump higher" contest. I made Scooby Doo macaroni and cheese and ate all of it except for what was stolen away while I got myself a napkin.

Cold stomach

Once I went for a walk with a friend.
We were in Oxford, so it was a grey afternoon.
I didn't know how to get there, and he did, so I was following him.
We were walking single file through all these strong dry weeds, and the conversation was "what?" and "watch out for that thing" and my usual comments about fast walking and sports injuries, etc.
After awhile, we came to an open pasture, so wide that I couldn't see where it ended.
He pointed and we started across.
In that field, there was wind like I have never felt before.
I think at first we were just sort of leaning into it and laughing about getting tossed around, but the more we walked, the worse it got.
It blew so violently that it became difficult for me to stay upright or even exhale, and I remember trying to talk to him, but every time I got close enough for him to hear me, my hair would slap at his face.
In the end we went the only way we could, which was kind of sideways and around the edges.

Hours later, full of meat and wine and sitting all warm in the restaurant, I ordered chocolate profiteroles for dessert.

Fat Tuesday

Don't forget the pancakes.

Or the pizza.

Or the tanning bed.

Dear Mom

Shari Lewis was the voice behind Lambchop, of Lambchop's Play-Along...startlingly bright hair, catchy songs.

Anyways you have to pick. You can't just say neither. Otherwise you get the booby prize choice by default, which REALLY sucks.

Hold on, I'm still trying to think of it.

Okay...here it is.

Every new chapter has to begin with an entire line from the song, "My Humps" by the Black-Eyed Peas.

Newsflash

This is my favorite baby. He's scared of my face when it's upside down.

These are some green beans that I'm growing.
They are a lot bigger now, I've already transplanted them to pots on our windowsill.

Right now April is talking on the phone and I'm eating leftover lasagna for lunch and trying not to listen. Yeah.

I watched another Paul Newman movie. It was called "On the Terrace" or something like that. I watched the whole thing, even when it got gross/boring, because I didn't want to repeat the mistake I made with Cool Hand Luke. It didn't turn out to be very interesting.

Last night for roommate night we went to the gym and played basketball, tall girls against short girls. We schooled them--obviously. Then we tried to go in the hot tub, but I couldn't actually breathe in there with all the high bubbly water and low ceiling, so I went in the sauna until I started feeling light-headed and everyone thought I was really hard core. Then I drank a lot of water and put my necklace back on. I enjoyed it, especially when we walked back out into the rain that had been coming down all day...I felt like I was getting away with something.

Once we got back home, a boy called April and said "come see the new puppy" so she and I went with stringy curlyish chlorine hair. That was interesting. I saw an old friend there.

Anyways...as far as the job search goes...I had a 2nd or 3rd-ish interview with one practice. I also went to a meeting of all the area midwives and tried to be professional and grown up and let them know that I'd probably be a good person to hire. It went well. The food was brilliant. I had the salmon.

I'm working on getting my licenses to practice in GA and TN right now. It is confusing enough that I have to work on it little by little. I hate doing stuff like that. Maybe everyone does. I would make a terrible orthodontist. I like sitting down and knowing that when I get up, the project will be finished.

So if you wrote a book today, would you rather have your big face on the cover, or have Shari Lewis write your foreword?

S-N-W-O

It's snowing again now. If I were someone who was committed to seeing beautiful things every day, I would go up the mountain and wander around for awhile.
However:
1. I saw it Saturday
2. I might die on the way up there, as it has been freezing and wet all weekend
3. My house is warm
4. My house has lots of windows and cozy places to sit
5. Maybe later

But anyways, I should go find that book and see what happened to that Edna before I forget.

Okay I'm back. He became a pastor and has proposed to her multiple times, but she keeps saying no because of dying crippled orphans and the manuscripts she's working on.

This is how it ends: "Edna looked reverently up at his beaming countenance, whence the shadows of hate and scorn had long since passed; and, as his splendid eyes came back to hers, reading in her beautiful, pure face all her love and confidence and happy hope, he drew her closer to his bosom, and laid his dark cheek on hers, saying fondly and proudly..."

That's like 2 hours after their wedding. Obviously. Edna's not into premarital cheek layage.

Happy Birthday Zach! tomorrow.

Steph came this weekend for the Kaleo conference (Gender & the Church). We went together. It was interesting. I talked to some of my old professors, which was good, because I was wondering how to re-establish contact with them. And I talked with Mel Murray and her husband, which was good.

Guess what I am the greeter for church this month. I've never been a greeter before. At first when Becky told me I had to do it I got nervous, but last week I realized that you don't have to talk to everyone. You just have to smile at their eyes and give them a bulletin and then move out of the way so they can keep going into the sanctuary.

The snow has basically stopped, so I need to get going.

St. Elmo

This morning I noticed a sock in the toilet. It wasn't mine. I told Rachel and she acted like I had done it to be funny, but that's not how I'm funny. I made her get it out.

I'm better from my cold now. I know that because when I woke up my mouth was closed and my pillow was dry. When I'm sick that's not how it works.

Well, I don't know why you guys wouldn't want me to go on a trip for SB.

Awhile ago I was reading this book I found in our house called St. Elmo. It was written in the 19th century and it is a really beautiful book, I think it belongs to the people who own the house.

Anyways, it's one of those books where you can skip large portions of it because you know that the author is about to go on and on about something....and it's like, okay, I understand it already, you can stop going on about her simple homespun dress and the sunrise and the hymn she's singing absentmindedly and her pail of water and her ugly dog that she loves anyways.

It's fun to read because it makes me feel so smart, because I can say things to myself like, "oh geez, Romanticism; glad we're not as into that anymore, but we're sort of getting back into it again, I should probably reread Bobos in Paradise." I would say more intelligent things, if I knew anything, but I've pretty much forgotten it all, so yeah.

I remember when I was maybe 12 I used to lose myself in writing like that. L.M. Montgomery was my favorite author for awhile.

I wonder why that appealed to me so much then? I guess it appeals to me now too, since I read two chapters of a book like that this morning. I think/hope I liked it this AM because it was funny, though. This girl is basically sinless, and has recently lost all her family and become a cripple, and she's struggling through....and I was just about to stop reading when they introduced a guy who is basically Satan. And I already know what's going to happen, so that's when I really stopped reading and came to go brag to my Mom, Peter, Em and Dan that I know what's going to happen.

You guys will know too, just read this:

"A painful thrill shot along Edna's nerves, and an indescribable sensation of dread, a presentiment of coming ill, overshadowed her heart. This was the son of her friend, and the first glimpse of him filled her with instantaneous repugnance; there was an innate and powerful repulsion which she could not analyze. He was a tall, athletic man, not exactly young, yet certainly not elderly; one of anomalous appearance, prematurely old, and, though not one white thread silvered his thick, waving, brown hair, the heavy and habitual scowl on his high full brow had plowed deep furrows such as age claims for its monogram."

St Louis

My roommates and I drove up to St. Louis this weekend to see all the seminary friends. It was brilliant, I loved it. Kind of a long trip though, like 7 hours. Rachel and April did all the driving, and I rolled around in the backseat giving orders, eating doritos, offering my opinions on various topics, and singing along with the radio.

We neglected to bring the CDs with us, so all we had were what we could find in my car, which included Roberto Torres, Lauryn Hill, and the Andrew Lloyd Weber premiere collection. So, yeah, it was mostly radio for us.
April has struggles with XM radio....she seems to enjoy all the options, but when it comes to listening to a song all the way through... she actually can't, most of the time. This is how I listen to music too, skipping around a lot, but I never realized how jarring it is when someone else is controlling the skippage.

Sometimes April makes these mixed CDs, and I appreciate her song choices, but the order she puts them in is completely confusing to me. She'll go from Michael Bolton to Black-Eyed Peas to Coldplay to Dixie Chicks to Kanye West, and then she'll throw in an instrumental from the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack. We talked about it once, and she told me that she does that intentionally because she gets bored with the same musical style over and over. When I make CDs, they are usually about sameness. Same sound, or same time in life that I was listening to them, or same amount of energy required to listen to them, or something.

I told all this to Zach and he said he was on April's team and then he told me to go watch High Fidelity.
But I'm not going to because right now I'm busy having a cold.
I think I'm going to the Gulf Islands for Spring Break. Are you still allowed to do SB when you're out of school?

Last night I didn't fall asleep until 3a.
I tried all the usual tricks...
watching tv
eating cookies
asking God to make me fall asleep
reading something really hard
staring out the window
telling my brain that I was through for the day and nothing else was going to be accomplished
trying to hold very still

But after a couple of hours, I was so frustrated that I just gave up and took a sleeping pill.
Now it's ten-thirty and I just woke up, because the sun was blazing through my cheap white curtains.

Sometime this am, I got up and went to the bathroom and Rachel said something to the effect of, "you probably don't want a shower this morning....call Glen....drain...Laura Star's fault...ha ha."
Now I don't know if it was a joke or if I really shouldn't take a shower. Or if I should pour a bunch of baking soda and boiling water down the drain and then take a shower? Or if I should just ignore it and go hang out at a coffee shop with other unemployed unwashed folk? Or maybe do that disgusting coat hanger thing where you fish for hair?

The good thing is, the sun has finally come out again. It's rained so much lately.